It was a grey, miserable day on the mountain of Alaska. Harry’s feet crunched into the thick, crisp snow; after days of traveling, he felt someone was watching him…
As it got darker, the stars glistened in the velvet night sky. A number of hours passed and suddenly he heard heavy footsteps crunch in the snow.
Harry then heard the cruel cackle of what sounded like a hyena…
He suddenly felt like a sandwich, as the powerful creature pushed him against a wall.
He drew blood on his hand as the creature slipped away into the night, Harry quickly gathered his stuff and climbed away to safety...
Lolly, or Molonie, you are a great writing team! You've created a really mysterious, tense opening that leads on to a dramatic, action-packed ending. One thing to think about: could you improve on the word 'stuff' in your last sentence? And also, could you pop an adverb in there to describe how he climbed away?
ReplyDeleteMr K :-)
Helen Briscoe (Team 100WC):
ReplyDeleteThis is a great 100WC Molly & Leonie! You have used some fantastic description in your story. I am interested to find out what happened to Harry next. Great writing - well done :)