I came to the end of the bridge, i jumped in the river even though it was like a mini tsunami.
All night trying to survive the crashing waves, i finally came to some land.
I was frightened, terrified, exhausted, i slowly stand up and grabbed a massive stick. At that moment i was thinking to myself if would i live or will i die……..
HI Chelsea
ReplyDeleteWhat a super piece of writing. I felt very excited reading it and love the cliff hanger at the end. You have thought hard about the right words to use - I particularly like 'trying to survive the crashing waves.' I also like the way you start that sentence - 'All night trying to ...' It may be better grammar to have put a connective at the beginning like 'After a night trying to...' but I think the panic element felt by your character comes through better in the way you have chosen to write it. One thing - keep the same tense throughout your piece. I think it would have been better to write 'I slowly stood up...' - in the past like the earlier verbs. Well done.
wowzer
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