night fell and i was ready. i dug a hole and ran out! of the stinking building but it really didn't work out because the cops found me they were coming after me with there dogs i ran as fast as i could i got to the ancient bridge and i could feel the floor of the crumbling stone and also i could hear the ferocious barking dogs and cops shouting and thundering footsteps! OH NO! the bridge has collapsed and there's no where to go. the cops were close now:what do i do? jump or hand my self in?
Saturday 20 September 2014
Ben's 100wc - week 3...
Here i am stuck in this stinking prison cell, but tonight i'm going to bust out of here and also run off!
night fell and i was ready. i dug a hole and ran out! of the stinking building but it really didn't work out because the cops found me they were coming after me with there dogs i ran as fast as i could i got to the ancient bridge and i could feel the floor of the crumbling stone and also i could hear the ferocious barking dogs and cops shouting and thundering footsteps! OH NO! the bridge has collapsed and there's no where to go. the cops were close now:what do i do? jump or hand my self in?
night fell and i was ready. i dug a hole and ran out! of the stinking building but it really didn't work out because the cops found me they were coming after me with there dogs i ran as fast as i could i got to the ancient bridge and i could feel the floor of the crumbling stone and also i could hear the ferocious barking dogs and cops shouting and thundering footsteps! OH NO! the bridge has collapsed and there's no where to go. the cops were close now:what do i do? jump or hand my self in?
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Hi Ben! This is literally a cliffhanger - or should I say a bridge-hanger - of a story! You have left the reader wondering what will happen next, good job! Your descriptions are vivid: "ferocious barking dogs", "thundering footsteps" and helped me create a little movie of the action in my head! To make your story even better, try and reread your piece to add punctuation such as commas and full stops (I felt a little breathless in places as I was reading your story!). I hope you keep entering the 100 word challenge.
ReplyDeleteMrs Pratt (Team 100WC)
Hello Ben,
ReplyDeleteThis is a super and imaginative storyline, Ben. You have used some powerful adjectives to good effect.
Next time, try to remember to re-read your writing and think carefully about your use of capital letters to improve your work.
Thank you for sharing your story with the 100WC.
Mrs Shaw (Team 100WC)
JUMP!
ReplyDeleteAMAZING!!!!!
ReplyDelete